The best gifts really are free! Well, almost free – they just take a little bit of time and effort. The whole point is to make someone feel special, seen, and heard, right? So why do we make it so hard sometimes?
Whether it’s your spouse, your children, your coworkers, or your friends, it feels good to know you’ve made someone feel good. (Phoebe Buffay says this is a selfish good deed, but I don’t care. The world doesn’t get worse when people feel good about themselves!)
Life is busy… complicated… and pulls us in a zillion different directions. My biggest heartbreak in Marriage 1.0 was feeling like we were just roommates. Decent teammates who checked off tasks for each other and for the children. Except teammates actually have to communicate with each other, so I guess we weren’t even good teammates.
In between all the life, we had forgotten how to “see” each other. Because that’s where the best life actually happens – in the in-between.
John Lennon said it well – “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.”
So I’ve thrown together a list of 101 easy – and mostly FREE – little ways to make your spouse feel seen and special. I know they work because we’ve done all 101 of these ourselves. They’ll spice up your marriage. Seriously. Because the first step to really rewarding intimacy is really rewarding connection.
Connection is so easy to create… yet even easier to neglect.
You’ll laugh when you read this list because almost every single idea takes less than 5 seconds to put into action. You just have to pay attention.
Simply noticing the person you love is really important – no one else should ever do that better than you.
And because these are essentially just 101 ways to say “I Love You,” many of these ideas are also easily adaptable to your children. Children are people too, and the power of connection can make a world of difference when it comes to discipline, communication, and general goodwill in your home.
Want to really spice up your marriage and build rapport with your children? Speak to your people in their love language. There are fun ideas on the list that cover every category – words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. (if you don’t know what their love language is, reflect on how they try to make you feel special. Do they cook or clean for you, give you presents, compliment you, or like to snuggle or spend time together? Chances are the language they speak to you is the language they want to receive from you too.)
So without further ado, here are 101 easy ways to spice up your marriage by saying I love you! Click here to get a PDF sent right to your inbox. Hang it on the fridge or use it as a checklist challenge for each other!
101 Easy Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage and Say “I Love You”
- The next time they ask you a question, stop what you’re doing to look them in the eye
- Fluff their towel in the dryer while they’re in the shower
- Use their name or a pet name the next time you say “I love you, ______”
- Write a note on a post it and hide it in their purse or wallet to find later
- Send a funny GIF text just because
- Tell them “I am grateful for you”
- Play a card game together instead of turning on the TV
- Get their car washed, clean it out, or fill up the gas tank
- Rub their feet without expecting anything in return
- Write a note on their bathroom mirror in dry-erase marker
- Do a chore that’s typically “theirs” and don’t say a word
- Make their favorite meal
- Have a squirt gun fight
- Fix/change the light bulb that went out
- Buy their favorite ice cream next time you go to the store
- Ask them to go on a date that you plan
- When they leave the house, stop what you’re doing to hug/kiss and say goodbye
- Start a Coffee Club
- Tell them “I’m proud of you”
- Print and frame a favorite picture of the two of you, wrap it up, and give as a gift (this is really fun for children too, they will beam to have this treasure!)
- Text them a knock-knock joke
- Send an email listing reasons you love them
- Send a one-liner email that says “I like your _____”
- High five them the next time they’re excited about something
- Say “you’re my favorite”
- Hold hands while you watch a show
- Change their pillowcase or even better, wash and change the sheets
- Make their favorite drink
- Send them a card in the mail, with a stamp and everything
- Ask for one hour of their time TONIGHT and do something fun after the house is quiet (use your imagination)
- Figure out what their favorite game was as a kid and then purchase and play it together
- Send them cookies at work
- Let them sleep in
- Tell them they’re smart
- Make them a bath
- Get them a fresh razor or a new bottle of shampoo, or set out a spare roll of toilet paper if it’s almost empty
- Tell them your favorite thing about them, no reason, just because
- Bring them coffee or breakfast in bed
- The next time they make you mad, forgive them and truly let it go
- Tell them what you see as their greatest strength
- Take their plate to the sink after dinner
- Invite them to join you at the kitchen table or out in the backyard to talk
- Invite them to run an errand with you so you can spend time together
- Go vote together
- Exercise together
- Cook a meal together
- Kitchen dance party
- Tell them to take a nap and make it easy for them
- Ask how you can help them get ready for their big day tomorrow
- Vacuum your bedroom floor or tidy their bedside table
- Tape a note to their shoe at night for them to find in the morning
- Ask them to teach you how to do something cool they know how to do (juggle, play guitar, whistle, etc.)
- Play a digital word game app together like Words with Friends, Scrabble, etc.
- Tell your inside jokes whenever you can
- Have a secret sign (tug on the ear means I love you)
- Tell them they look good/handsome/beautiful/sexy
- When you sit on the couch, sit close enough to touch
- Suck it up and go with them to something they love (a play, a game, a restaurant, etc.)
- When you’re together, don’t look at your phone when it bings
- Ask more questions and listen to the answers
- Tell them they’re sweet
- Ask if there’s anything you can do to help them – no task is too small
- Take a walk together
- The next time they repeat themselves, don’t tell them – just get excited like you’ve never heard it before
- Put down what you’re doing and really listen when they start talking
- Say “Thank you for choosing me”
- Make a mixtape playlist just for the two of you, just like in high school
- Play your playlist in the house
- Throw out the clothing item they hate that you wear
- Iron their shirt for them
- Tell them you admire them
- Set the table fancy and light a candle, even if it’s just over mac and cheese
- Invite them to do anything. The invitation is just as meaningful as the activity.
- Hide something funny where you know they’ll find it (my parents have been doing this back and forth with the same item for literally years)
- Send a note to their parents thanking them for raising a person you love to be with
- Tell them what a great parent they are and why
- Help your children write love notes to them
- Ask what their dream is for their life, if money and time were no object
- Send them a picture of the last place you went/vacationed to together with a note that says “I love spending time with you”
- Ask for their advice and then take it
- Have a staring contest
- Tell them they’re creative
- Get them something they’d never splurge on for themselves
- Post something sweet about them on your social media
- Arrange a surprise night out for them with their friends
- Ask about their friends and learn about they like them
- Text them a link to a song you love
- Tell them what you like about their parents/siblings
- Watch your wedding video or look through your photo album together
- Play “remember when we….”
- When you crawl into bed, face each other and talk for a minute
- Draw a picture on their back with your finger and have them guess what it is
- Read a book or listen to a podcast together
- Send them on a scavenger hunt for a gift or surprise
- Study their face when they’re talking to you and really see them
- Write a meaningful card on important days (your own words in your own handwriting)
- Notice and compliment their haircut
- Open their car door or help them out of the house with their stuff
- Compliment them to another person
- Start a travel journal, or a book of dreams
- Thank them for how hard they work at whatever they do
Try them – you’ll like them. And the best part is the surprise and excitement you’ll find on their face. Have fun with some of the easiest ways to spice up your marriage!
These 101 ways to spice up a marriage are very interesting. And they work everywhere. I really appreciate you for sharing such golden statements.
Brhane from Ethiopia, Africa
Thank you so much Brhane! Cheers from Texas!
Comments are closed.