What I wouldn’t give to travel back in time with what I know now. With the self-respect I have now. With the perspective I have now. With the clarity I have now. With the confidence I have now.
I’m grateful for the choices I’ve made that’ve led me to this point, but geez, lots of them were (Insert Michael Scott cringy face here).
It was a family conversation on the morning-drop off car ride that put me into the Wayback and really got me thinking.
If I could whisper something in bright-eyed-21-year-old-know-it-all Jessica’s ear, it would be this:
Go ahead and make ‘em mad.
Be exactly yourself and let it rub them raw. Let them talk about it until they’re blue in the face… because by then you’ll be 100 miles down the road.
Believe what you truly believe even if it costs you popularity. Say what you actually mean even if it costs you your image. Refuse to stand by and watch when something is unfair or inequitable, even if it costs you your status. Speak up when someone’s out of line even if it costs you the relationship. Walk away when you know it’s the right thing to do even if you feel like it’ll cost you everything.
Because the price you’ll pay otherwise is smallness, and disappointment, and self-loathing, and a life of limitations. Discomfort every moment you spend squished inside someone else’s skin instead of growing into the person you were always meant to be.
I can’t believe how much time I wasted (*still* waste) tap dancing around other people’s feelings. How much I’ve limited the good work God can do through me because I’m afraid of what someone else might think.
I wish 21-year-old me had known she had a lion inside.
Some people have to learn to soften the edges. I have to learn how to sharpen the corners.
We’re all becoming.
HP, J 